hey girls

Once, there was a girl who grew up believing in fairy tales. She loved the idea that a knight in shining armor would come to rescue her from distress. For a while, she waited and anticipated for his arrival. But as time passed by, her rope of patience snapped and she sought out her missing prince. She brought her heart with her, ready to give it away once she finds her knight. Along her quest, she came across a number of princes. She met one prince and asked, "are you my missing prince?" and the prince answered, "yes, I am!" and then, she gave away a piece of her heart. But to the girl's dismay, she found out that he was not the prince she was looking for. And so she continued her venture in finding her missing prince. But not so long, she then again met a prince and asked the same question, "are you my missing prince?"  and the prince answered, "maybe, I am" and then, she gave away a piece of her heart. For a moment, they were happy. But one day, to her dismay, the prince ran away and left her. With a heavy feeling, she moved forward and went on with her journey to find her missing prince. Along the way, she met, yet again, another prince. And the usual question was asked, "are you my missing prince?" and the prince answered, "surely, I am!" and she gave away a piece of her heart. But then, like any other princes she had met, this prince turned out to be the wrong one. So she went on with her quest, only a small portion of her heart left. The girl felt sad and desperate so when she met the next prince, there wasn't a question asked anymore but a plea, "please, be my prince!" and the prince said, "only if you let me have a kiss". The girl was taken aback with the prince's demand. But she was tired of searching, and she wanted this prince too much so she eventually agreed to grant his request. As time went on, the girl continued to grant the prince's request everyday, investing more and more pieces of her heart to the prince. Until one day, the prince got sick of her and went away without a word. The girl grieved and finally gave up the quest. She journeyed home and that was when she noticed a prince waiting by her door. The prince asked, "will you be my princess?". The girl was in shock. Here was the prince she was searching for all her life! She wanted to say yes to him but there was nothing left of her heart, for she had given it all away to the wrong ones. 

The girl in the story represents lots of girls in the world. Perhaps, at some point, you were that girl. Many times, we search for 'the missing prince', only to realize that we have been kissing the wrong frogs for the longest time. We give away pieces of our heart without ever contemplating if this so-called prince is the right one. We give ourselves away too soon, and grieve when this 'prince' disappears, taking away a huge part of ourselves. We become a give away, an emotional prostitute because we don't know our worth. And I want to tell you that you are so valuable, so precious. You are not a freebie. You are designed to be the one pursued, not the one who pursues. Don't fret if your prince takes too long to arrive, the Author of your love story knows what He's doing. And besides, your worth is not based whether you are in a relationship or not. So stop wasting your time venturing for the 'missing prince' because your prince is not missing. He is just around the corner and you are going to meet under the right circumstances in the right time. Guard your heart and save it up for him. You are designed for one and only one prince. Stop being a give away, an emotional prostitute, a freebie because you are not those things. You are worth discovering, worth figuring out and worth pursuing. Know your worth. 

stories in a star

"Some of the stars you'll see out there don't exist anymore," said my father, gently turning the knobs of the telescope with his thumb. The gears squeaked softly. "Some of the stars you'll see have been dead for thousands of years already." 

"What you'll see with this telescope are not the stars as they are today but how they were thousands of years ago," he went on. "That's how far away they are; even the light takes centuries to reach us."

I liked the idea, how the past could be preserved, fossilized, in the stars. I wanted to think that somewhere on the other end of time, a hundred light-years from then, someone else, some distant future creature, might be looking back at the preserved image of me and my father at that very moment in my bedroom.

- Julia /The Age of Miracles / Karen Thompson Walker

I love stars. They are one of the most wonderful creatures ever created. Every night, I look outside my window into the sky to see if the stars have already appeared. And as I gaze upon them, all I'm left with is a deep sigh... awestruck with its magnificent beauty. 

I've heard it long ago - that some stars have been dead for such a long time and what we see is only just an evidence, like footprints,  that they have existed once upon a time. But after numerous times of repetition, I still find myself amazed with the idea that stars can, in some bizarre way, preserve the past. 

I was at a camp last month and I was blessed with the pleasure of seeing millions of visible stars, after what seemed like eons. Sadly though, the gadget I had did not have enough power to capture it clearly. So I took my own kind of weapons to remind me of that beautiful moment... 

There were so many stars that night. As I stared at each one of them, standing in the middle of numerous trees in the darkness, I thought about the people who died years ago who had gazed at the very same stars that I was staring at in that very precise moment. I thought about what those stars meant to them, about what those tiny, sparkling dots had made them feel, about what and how many wishes they had whispered to every star, about the story behind their stargazing. 

As I stared at each star, it occurred to me that I wasn't just staring at some cosmic matter but also, staring back at the millions of wishes and stories from the past. And I realized that somewhere on the other end of time, a hundred light-years from then, someone else, some distant future creature, might be looking back at the preserved image of a girl, who stood alone in the middle of numerous trees in the darkness, stuck in amazement of the stars. 

I am just another story in a star. 

Escapist

Some days you just want to have that day. That day when you just want to drive away without any particular destination, just letting yourself take you anywhere until you decide where to go. Then after some time, pull over the car to an uncrowded beach and listen to the sound of waves and watch the reflection of sun as it glitters in the water. Swim a bit, drink, eat, and swim some more. After a while, pack your things and drive away again and again until you reach an uncrowded park. An uncrowded place is what you look for because some days you just want to isolate/detach yourself from the world. And yes, there, in that park, you lay on the grass under the shade of a huge tree. Feel the gentleness of wind as you stare at the moving clouds. You read a book or two until the sun begins to set. And again, you drive away, pulling the windows down, letting the gush of wind blow your hair in the air as the orange light touches your face, the haziest hint that the night is soon approaching. And then, you pull over the side of the road overlooking the rest of the city. You smile as you stare at all the flickering lights down below from houses and buildings. You let out a sigh of happiness and you think at the back of your mind, so this is how it's like to witness the world from above. You feel relieved and amazed at the sight of it for all the loneliness, heartbreak and whatever kind of pain present down there seemed so small, even invisible, from where you are. At last, the sun has set and the scintillating stars are uniformly spread out across the blanket of sky. You stay a bit longer and gaze upon the beauty not just of the stars, but of it all. You breathe air, and hold it for a few moments before you let it out. Finally, you whisper to yourself before driving home; I want to have this day again. 

Year-End

It is 6.46am of Dec. 25,2013 as I am typing this post.Yes, Christmas!!! Merry Christmas, everyone :) 

With only 6 days left for 2013, I reckon it's safe to say that this year has been willlldddd. 2013 has been a year of massive challenges and blessings for my family. 

As most of you know, my dad resigned from his former job for about 2 years ago, which basically makes him an unemployed person for 2 years. More to that, my mom also resigned a few years earlier than my dad, which makes them both unemployed. A year ago, I stopped school mainly because of two reasons; first was financial issues and the second one, I decided to just keep to myself.  I would be hypocrite to say that it was 'easy breezy' to have undergone all those challenges. It wasn't. It was insanely hard, to be honest. But it was bearable. Well, everything we undergo is bearable. As the old proverb goes, 'God never gives a burden you can't bear'. And true enough, we were able to surpass every obstacle. God has been so faithful in our lives. It's insane. Imagine both of your parents are unemployed with electricity and water bills to pay and other necessities to sustain,  plus 2 kids who are both enrolled in private schools (I was still studying by this time). That went on for 2 years. Imagine. How were we able to survive? I don't know any better answer than because God sustains us. He has blessed my dad with projects enough (and sometimes more than enough)  to sustain us for a whole year. It wasn't a stable job, though. We never know whenever another project's coming up and there were times when we worry about our expenses but just then, God grants another project! TWO YEARS WITHOUT PERMANENT JOB OF BOTH PARENTS YET WE NEVER MISSED A SINGLE MEAL IN A DAY. I just had to capitalize and bold it because I am just so amazed. Life is full of uncertainties but when you have God, you have nothing to worry about. And another massive blessing I've received this year is that I went back to school (and it's a good school!). I swear I still don't have any idea how we are able to pay my school expenses (and my brother's who's also enrolled in a private school) considering that my mom is still completely unemployed and my dad has no permanent job. I have no intention to boast about us going to private schools, what I am boasting about here is my amazing awesome wonderful great God who sustains us in a completely insane and mysterious way we never know how He does it!!! I am highly grateful to Him because He has never left/abandoned us. He has given us huge blessings even when sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it. He is amazing just that. And I believe He can do the same amazing things to you! 

As 2013 ends, I hope you reflect back on what God has blessed you this year. You think it may not be as grand as the others, but I believe there are no 'small' blessings. Everything is just as amazing as the others such as you are still able to pay your bills, you still have your job, you still have time to be with your loved ones, you are still able to breathe air, you are still able to see the sun and the stars and the skies, you are still alive & you are still able to gaze upon the beauty of what God has made. There are millions of blessings you receive, you just have to realize it. Together, let us look forward to another year full of challenges (because it is ever so present) but more of blessings to come! God bless us all :) 

apparently, i'm interesting...

I never really labeled myself as a "cool" kid. Never did I consider myself as someone who'd catch other's attention. If you've read my previous blog posts, you'll know that I mentioned, most of the time I go unnoticed. So when someone recently told me 'you're interesting', my initial reaction was 'I am??!' 

I will never know whether that person was telling the truth or not. But for a moment, it offered me a bit of confidence. It's nice to know that someone still notices you even though you're not, in any way, noticeable.

beyond

If there's one thing I've learned from my recent experiences... it's this. 

I am a very judgmental person. 

There are times when I dislike someone only because of a hearsay. Others, I loathe because of the way they act around people. More often that not, I tend to judge the person too soon even before I get to know him/her. 

There's this girl in one of my class before who was hated by numerous girls because of the way she acted around guys. There were plenty of nasty words people used to describe her - flirt, bitch, whore are just some. They were hurtful words. Of course, the girl felt bad. She didn't understand why such things were being accused to her when she had done nothing wrong. Well, yes, she was close to most of the guys. Too close that you'd think she was really flirting with them. At some point, yes I do admit I almost hated her as well. But during an event, I found out the reason behind her actions. That was when I realized I was being unfair. People were being unfair to her. Her dad left their family when she was younger. She rarely sees her dad because he has his own family now. Growing up, she lacked a father figure. She didn't know what it felt like to be loved and protected by a man. She was deprived of something wonderful girls around her experienced. So for that reason, she sought to find what she was lacking in the presence of guys around her. She liked the feeling of being surrounded with men for they gave her the sense of security. Around these guys, she felt protected. She longed for that attention her biological father was not able to grant her. She was just longing for love, sense of security and attention from someone she loved and longed for. But unfortunately, this someone had left her. So she had to find somebody else to fill in.

My point here is that, like the girl in my class, people have histories. Some may have wonderful ones, but there are some who have horrible pasts. Most of the time, the way people act is a product of what they have gone through. Of course, yes, it is a human nature that we are quick to judge. But let us put in mind that people have histories. There's always a story behind every person's action. Someone may act stupidly or annoyingly, but before you decide to hate the person, I think it's possible to consider his/her past first. And after that, then maybe you can help the person change for the better even just in the littlest way. I mean, yes I know it's easier said than done. But that is why I am telling you this. It is possible. I've done it. Of course you'll meet people who will really challenge your patience and understanding. We will fail, at times, no matter how much we try to understand. But just try. Try to look beyond the surface. It might just change your whole perspective about everything. 

It's my man's birthdaaaaayyyyy!!!

Apologies. I know it has been years since my last post (long story!!!) but I promise to write again soon. In the meantime, allow me to be all mushy for my man's day <3 I only got an hour to finish this because I have school tomorrow and it's alreadyyyy 2AM!!! (papa, don't get mad this is for you)

I can't even begin to describe how grateful I am to have a father like you. You are literally the BEST one any kid could ever ask for. You don't know how much you make me proud from the little things that you do and much, much more to the big ones. I love how you have compassion for everyone. You always give as much as you can even if at some point it seems like an abuse of kindness(but that's just me). That's one thing I learned from you; to give and give and give as much as you can without expecting in return. It's harrrdddd, but seeing you do it makes me think it is possible. I also love how patient you can be at times. It is seriously one of the traits I admire most in you (although SOMETIMES there are days when you're short-tempered :p ). Like I said, I love how patient you can be even at the most difficult times. We've been through valleys of tests but I have never seen you panic about a single problem. You're always stoical. And that's amazing... which now leads me to the mostttt wonderful thing I admire in you - your faith. I don't say this a lot but I love hearing your stories, specially the ones about your past. I love hearing about who you were in the past and knowing who you are right now. It amazes me how God has made a huge change in your life. I love how you handle problems because like what I've mentioned, you are very cool in handling them they don't even seem like problems to you. Instead of complaining, you just grab your guitar or keyboard and start singing praises to God like He has blessed you by winning the lottery but actually, He has given you piles of challenges. I am just amazed. Of course we know nobody's perfect. You easily get mad SOMETIMES, you sin, you make mistakes... everybody does. But I don't know, you're my role model. 

I want you to know that I enjoy all the time I am with you. I cherish it. From the simplest occasions like watching TV, eating together, road trips,  chit-chatting (you making corny jokes but still I laugh despite myself) to having talks about God and aaaahhhh, everyday. I know words will never be enough to prove how much I appreciate and love you but it's one of the ways I know. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, PAPA!!! I pray for good health and joy and more blessings and for your desires to be granted by God. 

Most of all, I pray to be with you(and mama) as long as possible. 

some photos of us you might want to laugh at: 

That smile is a deceit. I was crying of fear that time because I didn't know how to swim.

Yehesssss graduation dayyyy lol 

Forever daddy's girl

During a cell meeting :p

A contract we made a year ago. No expiration date ;)

"Ate, wag mo kalimutan yung pinirmahan nating contrata ha?"
(don't forget the contract we signed, okay?)

I won't. :)