Parents Rock!!!!!!!

First of all, let me warn you that this is going to be a very mushy or perchance,a  tear-jerking post. :p

...and this, of course, is for my parents <3



Let me tell you that I am not the best daughter in the universe. In fact, I am such a nuisance. But what is it with parents that no matter how much a pain in the ass a child may be, they can't seem to abandon him/her?

here comes the mushy part...

Perhaps for some, the greatest blessing is their dreams or their spouse or best friend or any tangible thing and yes, those are great blessings. But for me, the greatest blessing is one's parents.
 I don't know if you're going to get some lesson in the end of this post (I hope you do) but this is really just me expressing how much I appreciate my parents.
Though I don't show it too often, I silently thank God everyday for giving me such wonderful parents. I have been a terrible headache to them before and maybe I still am sometimes but it just amazes me how much love they have for me(and my brother-Joshua the hardheaded...I love you, Josh! naksss). When a child is growing up, parents set rules for them in order to stay in the right track. Sadly, I have broken several rules in the past years of my life. One of those was...well, not allowed to have a boyfriend while studying.................UGH. Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaay this is too corny but yes I'll share it anyway. I think this rule is present in every parents' list of don'ts for their daughter/s. I was too foolish to think that a mere crush or infatuation is...love (CORNY). Well, at first it was just really out of curiosity but then you know.....kids chase things they're not suppose to chase. And then well, at the end of it all I learned my lessons and I realized love is very different from what I thought it was and my parents were still there for me even though I was such a very very bad little girl. And then...well, that pretty much is all the rule they have set for me.
When I was younger, I didn't take my parents too seriously. I mean, I loved them but I didn't really much appreciated what they were doing. I was, in fact, pissed because they wouldn't allow me to eat junk foods or they wouldn't buy me the things I wanted or because they always asked me to do house chores. I was really a bad girl back then. But as I grew older, I started to realize all the things they have done and are doing for me and my brother. I started to see things in a different perspective and I was astounded by how much love they have for us. Those times when they didn't allow me to do things...it was like they were saying "No, because I don't want you to get hurt." "No, because I don't want you to be harmed." "No, because I love you."

I love my dad so much and perhaps everybody knows that. He has been my confidence-booster. I remember when my brother was teasing me and told me I was ugly and I got so pissed and sad. I came up to my dad and asked him if I was really ugly and he told me I was very beautiful. I don't know if he still remembers this but I do. I remember all the little things because it means a lot to me. Because that time, when it felt like the world was screaming I was ugly...my dad told me I was beautiful. And then I didn't care anymore about my brother and all the people who told me I was ugly because what mattered to me that time was that I was beautiful to someone I love.

I love my mom so much. Even though we fight sometimes, I still consider her one of my closessstttt friends. I haven't been going to school lately and everyday, she has been my friend and I don't care about not having any other friend when I'm with her because we laugh at all the silly things and sometimes, a good laugh with your mom is enough. I thank her for that because sometimes I feel so sad and alone but then she shows up and either nag or scold me or wake me up like an alarm clock or stuffs like that and then no matter how annoying it is sometimes, I'm very much grateful because I don't feel so alone anymore.

There are still a lot of things I'd like to say about my parents...about how awesome they are and how thankful I am of them but I have to end this for some reason. I loooooooooooovvvvvvvveeeeeee them so much and I hope you guys also learn to appreciate and love your parents and see things in a different perspective because life is short and you don't get to be with them forever.

Here are some of our photos:

Daydreaming 101

"Daydreaming is a short-term detachment from one's immediate surroundings, during which a person's contact with reality is blurred and partially substituted by a visionary fantasy, especially one of happy, pleasant thoughts, hopes or ambitions, imagined as coming to pass, and experienced while awake." (source: Wikipedia)

I decided to blog about this topic because lots of people think daydreaming is okay and is a fun thing to do and I, myself, used to believe the same thing. But recently, I discovered that it is not just what I thought it is. 

I used to daydream about a lot of wonderful things (I mean, who daydreams about bad things??) such as me being a successful writer and filmmaker and all the interviewers are after me, and then there's me as a famous singer. I used to sign my mom's magazines at home pretending I'm signing my own magazine covers/albums for fans(INSANE!!!) and of course, I loved daydreaming about my ultimate crush- Logan Lerman. I used to daydream he's...well, my boyfie and then we go travel the world and then we're hopelessly in love with each other and then finally, he asks me to marry him (this is really embarrassing). I daydreamed about having a lot of people who wanted to be my friends, a lot of people who were inspired by me, a lot of people I could turn to during tough times. I daydreamed about making my loved ones proud. I daydreamed about a better version of myself. I daydreamed about a wonderful life.  I daydreamed about all the great things. Nothing seemed impossible in my own universe. Fantasy was such a sweet world. There were no boundaries/limitations to what might happen. There were no pain and crying and I was happy. Because I was the author and director of my own story. Anything...Anything at all was possible. 

Until I came to a point where I got so into it that I neglected all the things I had to do in real life such as the house chores, eating and sadly...even my social life. I came to a point where daydreaming seemed automatic when I wake up every morning. I would talk to some imaginary people and even to myself. I neglected my social life because I had many friends in my world and I feared rejection from people in my real life. I wanted my fantasy life so much that my real life didn't matter to me that much anymore. Again, there were no limitations. I was happy, I was famous, I had heaps of friends. I was loved back by all the people I loved. I was highly admired and appreciated. How could you hate fantasy/daydreaming when it offers nothing but the best? 

But then, there were days when daydreaming became...painful. There were days when I daydreamed and I felt so empty and sad. The painful part came when I realized all the wonderful, beautiful and great things I daydreamed of were all...imaginary. They weren't real. They weren't true. They exist in my own world,yes. But I was the only one who lived in my own world. And I can't stay there for too long. The job and fame I had in my own world didn't exist in my real life. Not all the people I daydreamed of loving me back did so in real life.  I always had to go back to reality. And that's when everything hit me hard, all at once.

Fantasy can be just really amazing and beautiful because like I said, anything is possible. You get to direct the things that'll happen and you'll always get to be the lead role, not just an extra. You get to be the best of yourself. 

But that day I realized no matter how beautiful and great the things fantasy/daydreaming offers you, they are not real. I was hyped about daydreaming because I wanted to be different, to be better...for a short moment. I am a not so popular girl in real life. Most of the time, I go unnoticed by people. I don't have lots of friends (I only have few) and not all the people I love/admire requite what I feel for them(I'm referring to Logan Lerman by this, haha) and most of all, I am alone most of the time. I don't mean being all emo or anything. I mean, alone literally. I haven't been going to school lately and I am sorta uh, socially awkward sometimes(or most of the time). I read a book(blue like jazz) weeks ago and Donald Miller, the author of the book, mentioned that daydreaming is partly caused by being alone. "I blamed it on loneliness of the biochemical sort. When a person has no other persons he invents them because he was not designed to be alone, because it isn't good for a person to be alone." he said. And I guess he's right. Most of the daydreamers, if not all, love fantasy because they are alone, or perhaps because they are lonely. I daydreamed because I stayed most of the time in my room and did not interact with real people. I was lonely,too, I guess. By interacting, I mean not just through social sites like facebook or twitter (I am very active on my sites) but in a more personal way like having coffee and talking about stuff, or something like that. There's a huge difference between chatting with people and talking to them personally. And yes, lonely. I was lonely because I didn't have anyone to talk to. Sure my mom was there with me always and we always have a good time but friends are different. Late at night, I look at the stars... yes, they're beautiful and God is amazing but there's more to it. People stare at the stars because they are lonely. They talk to them or the moon or to themselves because there's no one to talk to. And that's sad. Really sad. 

BUT. Listen, this is the most important part of this blog post. God made me realize things. Fantasy entice people because we long for perfection. A painless world. A wish-granting world. A world written by us. But no matter how great the things we daydream of, it is non-existing. It is imaginary. Focus on the word "imaginary" and you'll see how painful daydreaming is. Yes, it is beautiful but it is never real. I am not saying daydreaming is a sin or is a freaking bad thing...but it can be. We need not to soak ourselves with illusions because there are wonderful things reality can offer. Yes, there's pain and it's rough sometimes but at least, it's real. We don't have to be sad over people not loving us back or people not appreciating us because there is Someone who loves us so much and sees us more valuable than gold. And that Someone is the Creator of everything, the King of kings and the God of the universe!!! How awesome is that??? The God of the universe is in love with you!!! And another thing... no matter how great and wonderful the things or plans we have for ourselves in our own world, it doesn't compare to the plans God has for us! He said in Jeremiah 29:11, 

""For I know the plans I have for you"says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.""

So we need not to be stuck in the world of illusions because God promised to give us a future. Even though some people don't love or appreciate us, He sees us in a very special way and loves us much more than we could ever imagine. Sooooo, why daydream over illusionary things when the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE is offering us mighty things? :) No matter how great the stories we make up in our minds, God is still the greatest Author and He has written the best storyline of your life(including your love story!). Wait and see ;)

P.S The dangerous thing about daydreaming is that you can come to a point where you don't know anymore if you're awake or you're just dreaming. And there's the possibility of being psychotic. And then it can paralyze you (neglecting to do important stuff just to daydream). And then the worst is believing illusions and forgetting that God is there and has the power to provide you what you need. 

I want to write more but my mum is nagging at me because I've been on for hourssssss. I have to end this. Thank you for reading. If you have questions or violent reactions, feel free to msg me on facebook. God bless! :)

there's still hope for humanity

I like this day. Well, I like all days but this day is um, extra special. When I was on my way to church this afternoon, I came across a good samaritan. A good samaritan, guys!!! Can you believe??? In this generation,where violence occurs left and right,it is sooo rare to encounter such kind of person. The jeepney was still half empty when my mom and I settled in. The jeepney wouldn't leave unless it's full of passengers so we had to wait for quite some time. After a moment, there's this man who was with his 5 children, I assume, who climbed in. The driver asked if he would pay for all the kids and the man said no, he'd just pay for two and let the three other kids sit on his lap. And then, not so long after that, another guy climbed in. This time, the jeepney was almost full but there were still plenty of empty seats left. This guy sat right behind the driver's seat, beside the man with 5 kids and in front of us (can you picture it?). It wasn't my intention to eavesdrop but he was right in front of me so I practically heard what he said to the driver. He handed a 50-peso bill and some coins to the driver which would be too much if he's gonna pay for himself. So here's what he said, "I'm going to pay for all the empty seats". And after that, the jeepney finally left AND he let the three kids who was sitting on the man's lap take the empty seats. Are you following me here? He paid the empty seats for the three kids. I was absolutely touched by what this guy did. I know it's probably shallow for some, but I think it's really a great thing. I felt so blessed by what this guy did because honestly, he didn't look like he was a big-time guy or something (I don't mean anything mean by that). That simple act of kindness put a smile on my face and throughout the day I kept thinking of that guy and what he has done. I think it's amazing. I think it'd be so nice if we decide to do something good to others without expecting something in return. You see, we don't have to be rich or famous or anything to help others. Even in the simplest ways, we can be able to put a smile on someone's face. Despite all the violence seen/heard in the news, there's still hope for humanity.

Stars Beneath The Clouds

Last night, I glanced at my window to see if there were stars in the sky. Gazing at the stars before I sleep has become a habit/ritual. But to my dismay, I found none. The clouds were too thick that they hindered the lovely stars from showing.
But instead of feeling sad, I slept at ease because I knew the stars weren't really gone. They're just there... somewhere.
Abruptly, I thought about trials... those moments in our lives when we feel we are at our darkest hour. We feel like the universe has exploded and there are no stars left to twinkle for us. But really, it's not like that. We don't have to be frantic or to despond when we don't see the stars. Because they are never gone. And the thick clouds? The wind's gonna blow 'em away ;) So heads up! there are stars beneath the clouds :)

I just had to repost this

I just saw this post from Katie Cabebe's tumbr site; http://keyofdramatic.tumblr.com

it makes sooo much sense

mère

Oh, How stupendous is thy love!

How scintillating is thy beauty like the stars above!

Thou art parallel to the doves of the air,

Thy loveliness loosely soars that eyes are drawn to stare.

Even if all the words in the world I gather,

Still not would it be sufficient to describe thee as a mother.

My love for thee shall never cease,

For I can offer nothing greater than this.

Who says I can't?

You may  say I'm one of the most ambitious persons you know, a dreamer/daydreamer who feeds herself the impossible, an enthusiast who chases after an illusion. Say whatever you want.Ambitious? Dreamer? Enthusiast? Yes. But I'm not feeding myself the impossible and I know I am not chasing after an illusion.
Years ago, within the four corners of what seemed to be an infinitesimal room, a little girl was trying to finish her very first poem. After sifting through the dictionary word by word, finding what would best embody the emotion I was feeling...At last! My first poem was produced and with that, a dream was born.
When I was younger, I wanted to be a cardiologist. But as I grew older, I realized it wasn't really what I wanted to do. Things and people change, so as dreams...I thought. It all just became clear to me after I've written that poem...I want to be a writer.Days, months and years went on and I continued writing. Poems to essays to stories. I don't know why but writing somehow makes me happy. There are a lot of things/thoughts which are hard to convey verbally and that's where writing takes place. As a camera captures moments, so does writing. It captures thoughts and feelings. You write about something happy that has happened to you and after days or even years, you go and read it again and it still contains that same happy vibe, because that's what you were feeling when you wrote it. It records emotions.
Anyway, I started joining essay competitions when I was in grade 6. I remember my dad would always help me with my essays because I always asked him to. But there were also times when I did it all by myself. I've won in several inter-school competitions but of course, I also experienced  defeats. There was a time when I lost one competition after another. But it didn't keep me from trying again.That's how life works after all, you win and you lose. The fear of failing should never paralyze you. I remember this quote from one of my favorite movies (A Cinderella Story), "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."
And true enough, I was awarded Writer Of The Year when I graduated from high school. Though for some, it was just a small award or it was given to me just for the crap of anything...For me, it was the highlight of my high school life because for me, it was the start of my writing career...well, a stepping stone, perhaps.
I haven't mentioned that I'm a bookworm, have I? I love reading as much as I love writing. Whenever I finish reading a book, I always think of how awesome it would be to publish my own one. So, during my freshman year in high school, I started writing my own novel. Even though I was just starting its first chapter, my friends would borrow the notebook and read it when I wasn't writing. To my surprise, a lot of them loved it and kept telling me I should finish it already. That was the first time I felt confident about my dream. I wrote few pages and there was a good response. Maybe, just maybe, I really do have a knack in writing...I thought.
But unfortunately, I didn't get to finish my first book (or shouldn't I say "first book" since I haven't finished it?) OK. let me rephrase that.
But unfortunately,  my FIRST ATTEMPT in writing my first book failed. I lacked focus and I lost the notebook. Too bad.
I will be humble enough to admit that a lot of times, in different areas of my interests, I didn't get to finish what I started because I lacked focus. There's always something new that'd interest my attention so I leave something unfinished and move on to a new one and the same thing happens again and again.But as I grew older, the more lessons I've learned. One of those is having focus in what you do. I love writing so much and I don't see myself doing anything other than writing in the future.
Speaking of the future... I see myself writing lots of books and even articles. Of course, I see them as "#1 New York Times Best Seller" books (mehehe). And then, big companies like Warner Bros. Pictures, Universal Studios, 20th Century Fox, Paramount Pictures, etc. would be making films adapted from my book!!! :D Also, I'd like to work in The New York Times reviewing/criticizing/writing books and articles. I also want to be a screenwriter for films which will be nominated in the Oscars for best picture and I'll be nominated as best screenwriter and perhaps even win the awards! All my books/films would be encouraging/inspiring/eye-opener, something that will have a huge impact on the readers'/viewers' lives. My goal is to draw people near to God and to glorify His name through my crafts.
Some people say my dreams are way too high to achieve. I even remember someone said I'm not even good in writing so why should I even bother trying? Some say I'm feeding myself some kind of illusion. Some say I'd just fall to being a small time writer in a small type newspaper. Some say I'd go nowhere. Some said it jokingly, some said it matter-of-factly. It doesn't matter what way, what does is that they said it. The problem with some people is that they don't know how much their words affect the person they said those words to. Even if they said it jokingly, they have no idea how deep it goes down to a person's heart. They never know...they've crushed dreams, they've killed someone's potential to become better, to become who he/she wants to be. Well fortunately, I'm not the kind of person who gives up too soon. But not all aspirants are strong enough. So please, stop crushing dreams. Instead, be an encourager. You never know how much a simple "You can do it", "Don't give up", "You're good at this" can contribute in building that person's self esteem and dreams. Constructive criticism is great but you have choices on how to say it...PLEASE choose the nicest way.
Anyway, before I finally end this... I just want to say that I'm never gonna give up this dream. There was a point in my life when I almost believed what people said about me and I prayed that may God remove the desire of writing in my heart if it isn't His will for me. Years passed, the same desire still lingers in my heart. I believe He's going to use me through my skill. So, if you're reading this and deep down there in your heart you have a desire to do something, pray about it. Don't let others' mean words bring you down. God made you with a purpose for a purpose. If people say your dreams are way too high...well, tell them maybe that's because God's plans for you are that way too big! :D

With God, all things are POSSIBLE.
-Matthew 19:26


P.S. I am now working on my "first" novel (and I'm praying for a lot of focus and that may I finally finish it!!!!)
Haters, discouragers...I can't hear what you're saying :p