(This is related to my previous blog post- Daydreaming 101.)
To anyone who's ever invented his/her own love story in his/her mind.
How many hours have you spent staring at his(or her) photos, stalking him on facebook/twitter, listening to love/emo songs because of him?
Answering these questions on my mind, I can't help but feel guilty.
It all started when a friend of mine mentioned an actor's name during our conversation on facebook. I wasn't familiar with the actor so I googled him. The moment the results appeared, I was then captivated. I know it's cliche but really, it was like love at first sight. He had blue eyes, and his smile was just devastatingly gorgeous. To make the long story short, I started then to search about him...biography and everything. I watched his movies, watched videos of his interviews, and even searched for his favorites. I felt like a stalker,a creepy stalker. But in my mind, I was doing it all out of love. Funny, huh.
And then.
Little did I know, the little admiration went beyond the line.
I don't remember when was the exact time/day but I just woke up and I realized this guy has already got me obsessed. I started to imagine scenes on my mind. Of course, my prince and I as the main characters. I actually started imagining our first meeting. It's in a ball or something, and then he's there, of course, and he spots me and comes up to me and then sparks fly and we're in love. And then later on, I started to imagine our first date, to our first monthsary, to our first anniversary. Crazy, right? I was enjoying every scene and even when I had to leave my fantasy... I carried the scenes with me in reality, like it really happened in real life. I was in love with him. Truly, madly, deeply. And he felt the same for me. I knew everything about him, and he did the same with me...that is, in my mind.
How many times have we woken up every morning making up great stories in our minds with the person we long to be with? How many times have we neglected chores just to daydream?
How long have we been like this?
Perhaps you can relate with what I'm trying to say here.
Inventing these awesome-but-not-real stories in our minds can seem sweet and cool and okay but really, if you only contemplate seriously... you'll realize that it's one of the most tragic things ever.
One day, while I was staring at one of his photos on tumblr, I was hit by a painful realization.
This guy who's staring back at me in the screen...This guy whom I've spent almost my entire day with, whom I've loved so much, whom I've celebrated heaps of events with, whom I've cuddled with almost every minute of the day...doesn't know me at all.
It's insane, really. And I understand if you're laughing at my silliness right now... I mean, I'd be laughing too if I were not myself. It's lunatic. I have made wonderful memories with this guy for years. We've been in love for so long (we were actually getting married). And while I was staring at his photo that moment, I realized that... If I were to meet him at that very second, he wouldn't at all recognize me, not even a single of our memories together would register in his mind. And that was painful.
Perhaps you are in love with someone right now who doesn't even know you exist. Perhaps the only thing you have ever thought of to be happy is to make up stories in your mind, just like what I did. Perhaps you are hurt by what you have just read. I'm sorry, but sometimes the best thing to realize things is to welcome a slap in your face. Let things hit you hard. Painful, but only for a moment.
Now, what's wrong about inventing a love story in your mind? Basically, it's because you feed yourself an illusion. And I tell you, illusion is not healthy. It's dangerous. Illusions exist so you can be deceived.
And I was deceived.
I believed I knew him so well. But really, I don't. Not at all. I may have googled some information about him, but it's not him. It's one thing to know some information about a person, and it's another thing to know that person and have a personal relationship with him. I was only making him up in my mind. An invention of a physical-him in my mind...but not really the real him.
I thought back then that this guy was the one for me, that if I wouldn't end up with him...might as well grow old alone. I let myself believe that lie. Like there were no other guys in the world except him, that what I have invented in my mind was the best love story I could ever have.
Foolish dreamers live in a world of illusion; wise realists plant their feet on the ground.
Proverbs 14:18
Perhaps you have lived long enough in your world of illusion. There is Someone who wants you to know that you don't have to deal with your imaginary life anymore. You don't have to imagine about being loved back because He loves you so much more than your mind could ever imagine. And He's not just anybody. He is the King of kings, the One who formed the galaxies and the entire universe, and the Author of love. You don't have to chase over someone who doesn't know you exist because He knows you most of all, and loves you with an everlasting love.
"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness."
Jeremiah 31:3
"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you."
Jeremiah 1:5
God is great and mighty. Through Him, all things are possible. The reason why I shared my experience with you is that may you learn something from it. I am blogging this not only for you, my dear readers, but also for myself. Sometimes even if we already know...we still need to be reminded.
So, no need to spend hours fan-girling and fantasizing over someone who doesn't know you exist. Also, don't nurse a crush! Don't pamper a simple admiration because it might just lead to something like what I had experienced. Don't dive into the world of illusion because the most tragic love story is when a princess falls for a fictional prince...or the other way around.
So what really is my point here? My point is that God is awesome enough to provide you a happily ever after. Not an imaginary one, but a real one. How awesome is that?! All you have to do is trust Him and wait patiently for His perfect timing. You will meet your prince charming/princess in the right time, under the right circumstances.
Heads up! The Author of love is writing your love story. ;)
*to know more about the Author of love, read this : http://www.fathersloveletter.com/flltextenglish.html
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